Random Thoughts

• Im hungry but im not in the mood to eat
• I cant stand the voice of father saying non sense things and I hate his attitude that he thinks he is better than everybody. I hate it when he argue with my mom and tell her that she in worthless
• I wish that my mom divorce my father a long time ago, life would have been better for both of us
• I hate that as of now I dont have the physical strength to find a job
• I hate that I no longer have the savings to support this family
• I wish I could turn back time so I can change somethings about me
• I hate that I am hating right now
• I hate that I always feel weak and dizzy
• I hate that as of now I haven't had my treatment
• I hate that my nose have rashes again
• I hate that I cold and cough

Dear Papa God, help me get rid all this hatred in me. help me see the good in things. Help me to be more understanding and give me all the patient I need to survive.

High Blood

Its been 4 days now and my dad is still in the hospital due to high blood. I have to postpone my appointment for my treatment because of what happen. I am the only on in the family who can be with my dad in times like this. Its hard because even if I feel weak at times I have to be strong. I have no one who I can ask for help. The only thing that I am thankful is that even if my immune system is weak and most of the time I am in the hospital that I am not acquiring any sickness from the other patients, I always see to it that before I enter the hospital that I have my face mask on. Anyway I hope my dad cooperate with the procedure because he is very hard headed and I no longer have the budget to support him if he will stay longer in the hospital because he is not cooperating.

2nd day on the hospital

and some other people who are sick as well ^_^

Lorna and Gilder's wedding

It was a special day for Lorna and Gilder last July 19, 2014 since its their wedding day \(◦'⌣'◦)/ 

And I am lucky to be part of it. I was able to see some old friends from CJPS and over all it was a fun day!

The couple's first kiss and with the pastor.

She getting ready for the big day!

With Kuya Romy ^_^

and with my beautiful lola Joanna ^__^

Para lang kaming a attend ng prom hehe

me and my partner is the one in charge of lighting the candle

Lola Joan giving her special message to the wonderful couple ^_^

Appreciate Life more

I thank God kasi I was able to go to church again yesterday, its been a while since nung huli kong simba. I was focus yesterday and my mind is not that distracted. I told my self that I will and make it a habit to go to church every Sunday just like what I used to do before. 

These past few weeks I have learned to appreciate the simple joy of eating. After ko mag suffer sa singaw ng ilang araw na halos lugaw at goto lang kinakain ko everyday na appreciate ko yung value of eating good food. Ngayon every time I eat I enjoyed it more and I thank God that I can eat with out pain. Last Saturday I went to mega mall for my check up and I promised my self that after the singaw challenge I will eat spaghatti sa jollibee, because during the time na may singaw ako I saw a group of kids eating jolly spaghetti and they are so into it (na ingit talaga ako), so I promise my self na pag magaling na sigaw ko I will eat spaghetti to celebrate...and I did...It was the best tasting spaghetti that I have tasted for the longest time, I took my time  eating and savoring its flavor as I slowly chew on it with out feeling any pain. I was in heaven at that time ^__^ not to mention the fact that I also have my favorite jollibee fries...It was the best miryenda ever and I keep on telling my self...this is it Ryan...this is the reward of your pain last week.

And this would be my next target!

Another realization occur to me yesterday, because I got sick this past few months I lost a lot of weight and some how it affects me especially when people would say to you "oh your so thin...what happen?" it sucks but what can I do? How I wish I can just eat all day and then by tomorrow I will gain weight again and be back to old me...but it doesn't work that way...as Augustus Waters would say "The world is not wish-granting factory." so deal with it!

Me March of 2014              and               me now July 2014 

Masyado ko binababa sarili ko kasi im not used to seeing my self this thin. But then yesterday after church I was walking on my way home then I saw this father and son. His son is way skinnier than I am (like super thin that if the wind blows really hard he would be carried a way), I think if I put my self beside him I will look much healthier than him. Then I realize, here I am stressing my self over on how I look when I should be thankful that I am not on his position, im sure that kid has something way worst than what I am feeling right now. I hate myself for having this habit of making a small problem bigger that it was, that I sometimes I forget that the world has much bigger problem than I have. I should stop pitying myself too much over little things and just be THANKFUL that I am alive and somewhat healthy and that I am with my family and we are all good and we are eating three times a day and that I have the time to write on this blog and so on... 

So I promise that if I ever I am feeling down and weary and I think my life is full of bad decision and full of shit to just smile and look up and thank God that I am a live that what ever shit I am going through right now that it will all pass and I will survive it and that there is a rainbow after the rain ^__^

So that's it for now

Yuri xoxo


(I would appreciate it if you can post a comment on this post just for me to know that there is someone who care enough to read my post ^_^ thank you and God Bless!)

Atelier Versace Fall 2014-15

One of my all time favorite designer is Donatella Versace. I am always amaze with her creation especially the gowns, I love it. I also like her summer collection for men. This time Donatella took us to the Fifties for the atelier showcase, but with a sexy and gothic twist! Here are some of the dresses that I like ^_^

My Super Mom

Best Mom ever!

Another stressful and depressing day for me, thank God my Mom is at my side calming me down. I have been thinking a lot and freaking my self out that I have dengue fever again because of the many mosquito bites that i have on my legs and foot. Not to mention the problem that I have that I just don't have the strength to tell my mom about it. It's just to much for me to handle. And when that happen all I can do is cry so I can let it out. My mom is just out side my room and probably narinig nya na umiiyak ako, she went into my room, sit beside me and rub my back and tell me that everything will be ok. Its a special moment to me kasi I did not expect that... I was really moved on what she did.

When I think about it, my mom also went through a lot especially nung nag ka roon siya ng glaucoma, her left eye is no longer functioning, her right eye naman can still see pero super labo, but despite of her current condition she remain strong. Another challenge sa kanya is nung nabanga sya ng motor and pag banga sa kanya na pa luhod sya at tumama yung tuhod nya sa bato, so now hirap na sya mag lakad, binili ko sya ng knee pad para pang support sa tuhod nya and naka katulong naman yun sa kanya. Despite everything that had happen to her she still manage to be a mother and a wife to my dad, She can go to the market alone with her condition and she can still cook delicious food. She is always telling me that she needs to be strong for me and for her family.

This picture is taken last December 2013

So if I think about it, mas lucky pa ako sa mom ko kasi im just dealing with my current situation and my depression, its just that sometimes its too much for me to handle lalo na pag sunod sunod yung ng yayari sa akin. 

Thank you mom, mahal na mahal  kita, you are my friend, my strength and my hope. Thank you for loving me and accepting me and I am sorry I am a Big disappointment to you and dad, even if you don't see it that way...kung naging maayos lang ako...I am happy that I was able to tell you what my problem is...I dont need to worry anymore. Sorry kung minsan masungit ako :(

She is my Super Mom! I Love you Mommy ko :)

Memorable date and Realization

Waiting for my turn...

July 5, 2014 would be one of the date that I will always remember. Buti nalang I have a friend with me that day kasi naging emotional ako. Thank you Rudy, I know I can count on you, I know that no matter what happen you will be there for me and for my mom. Thank you for calming me down yesterday.

Indeed life is full of challenges and my challenges just keep on getting better. I think the Lord is trying to accomplish something that is why he is giving me all this challenges. I guess he want me to be strong and hold on to my faith which I always fail to do. In times of hardship I often breakdown. 

I thought I will be able to accomplish everything yesterday, but I still need to do one test and that will determine if I need to go under medication, which im sure I will. The cost of the lab test is very expensive. I no longer have the money to do it. But I have to do it. I guess its the final step to free my self with this misery.

Now that im going through the "singaw" challenge. I learned to appreciate the things that I took for granted. yung simpleng pag kain, If you have singaw all over your mouth ang hirap kumain, all I can eat is goto and lugaw, if I eat something hard... grabe sa sakit. Hindi ko tuloy makain yung masasarapa na pag kain na ni luluto sa bahay. Kahapon nung pauwi na kami sa mega mall there is this group of kids who are eating jolly spaghetti and they are really

enjoying it, na ingit talaga ako. I told my self that after this singaw challenge I will eat all the food na hindi ko na kain nung may singaw ako at isa na dun yung jolly spaghetti sasamahan ko pa ng fries and peach mango pie! Pangako yan!

Till next post!

Yuri xoxo

It's July!

Happy Birthday Dad!

For my first entry this July I would like to start off by Greeting my Dad a Happy Birthday! I know you don’t know about this blog but I want you to know that even though your not the perfect dad for me and even though I hate your attitude sometimes, your still my dad and I love and care for you! Thank you for taking care of our family. My wish to you is that you have more birthdays to come and stay healthy.

I am very optimistic that this month will be a good month for me. I know I will be able to get back on my feet again and regain the strength that I lost. I learned that the most important of all is your health, its hard if you are sick all the time, I don’t want to be hospitalized again or experience a super high fever that will make you feel miserable and you will just wish that you die instead of feeling that way. I know I did some stupid things in the past that’s why I am on this position but I have a choice to change it, and I choose to be healthy. I know money is important but my health is MORE important than anything else.

So my action plan to be healthy is that I will try to go back on exercising or I will just go with my dad for an early morning jog, if time will permit I want to go back and workout again.

My next action plan is to find a job that is just near to my place, mas madali kasi at less hassle,  if only BCC don’t have that much paper work maybe I will consider going back to teaching… … … but no haha there is a fun side in teaching but most of the time its paper work so…No! haha

So that’s it for now

 
Yuri xoxo